The carriage is waiting, your highness.
I am not going.
Oh, but you must. The uprising is closing in.
Your son and the king have already been captured.
My place is here.
I beg of you, i beg of you, save yourself while you still can.
We can reach my vineyard by morning. No one will find you there.
I am not one to run.
Guard this with your life.
When my son is old enough to rule, he'll come for it.
Please, my love.
Go.
- Are you all right? - I'll be fine.
What does i'll be fine mean?
Well, the needle hurt a bit, but it was all totally worth it.
N eedle? What needle?
For the inky stuff.
Inky stuff?
For the tattoo.
- You got a tattoo? - I got a tattoo.
Why would you get a tattoo?
Because, Nigel, that's what cool people do in the millennium.
What kind of tattoo do your kind of cool people get?
The egyptian symbol of fertility.
I see. If i may be so bold, where does it reside?
It's a fertility god. Last-minute warning.
You don't mean...
exactly. Do you want to...
No!
I'll have a look, if you want.
Oh, i'm sorry, i... i didn't realise anyone else was here.
I am professor lucie.
From the louvre?
Yes. Professor fo x is expecting me.
Not just expecting, looking forward. So nice to see you again, gerard.
Ooh! Aah!
She got the needle with the inky stuff.
I see. What was so urgent?
Let me show you.
It was a gift from marie-antoinette to her son, louis x vll.
Boy, did she have a lot of kids.
Recently, we discovered it is more than just a toy horse.
It's supposed to hold the clue to the whereabouts of the lost jewels...
from marie-antoinette's crown.
Under... keeps... of a true winemaker.
I totally love limericks, don't you?
You know the one about there once was a girl with a bucket...
claudia.
That's it, that's all it says on the scroll.
Okay.
The locksmith is louis xvi. H e liked to fiddle with locks as a hobby.
The queen tended sheep on a luxurious farm near versailles.
So marie-antoinette is the shepherdess.
The word treasure must refer to the crown jewels.
Why do you think that?
The first letter of each line spells bijou which, in french, means...
jewel.
Jewels under keeps of a true winemaker.
Jewels hidden in a bottle of wine?
Jerome h alezan.
Chateau h alezan?
Yes.
Rumour had it he was her lover, former stable boy who became a vintner.
I guess the first thing we have to figure out is what happened...
to the h alezan estate.
No trespassing.
When has that ever stopped us?
You're wasting your time. No one ever sees him.
Oh, i see.
Are you going to buy it?
Actually, we're just...
we're considering it.
Very seriously.
Brie, eggs, a baguette.
It was once one of the greatest vineyards in france.
Yeah, so they say.
Now, he sells it off piece by piece. Only the house left now.
Au revoir.
Is this wise?
H ello?
Jerome halezan himself.
Who the hell are you?
Well, actually, we're very interested in buying the...
we're historians.
Serious historians.
There's no history here, only the past.
Actually, that's a contradiction in terms.
Moot... point..., i'm sure.
What do you want?
I'd really like you to put the gun down.
I don't think so.
Why does it always have to be like this?
I wish i knew.
I could really use a cup of coffee.
My family in possession of the crown jewels? Ridiculous.
Is it?
Do you think i'd be selling if we were?
Well, maybe you didn't know.
I know everything.
Did you know that jerome h alezan was having a liason...
with marie-antoinette? Woof-woof.
Jerome h alezan was a stable boy. H e tended the queen's horses.
Were there any heirlooms handed down generation to generation? Mementos?
No.
Mind if we look around the house?
Perhaps tomorrow. It's being shown to potential buyers today.
It won't take long.
Tomorrow would be the earliest.
I must go. How much do i owe you?
My treat.
Merci, then. au revoir.
H e's up to something.
U gh!
Nice to see you too, guys. I told mischa i'd have his money on saturday. Aah!
Aaargh...
come on, let's go.
Are you all right?
I think so.
Who were those guys?
Nobody. It was a misunderstanding.
What are you doing here?
I think you know where those jewels might be, laurent.
Each generation was told about this bottle of wine.
We were never to touch it, never open it or sell it.
H ere.
It bears the original seal.
This bottle's labelled 1910.
1910... jerome would've been a hundred and fifty years old.
Well, he was quite spry for his age.
All right, all right.
The real bottle's here.
I'm telling you the truth. I had it in my hands.
It was labelled 1792.
So where did it go?
I don't know.
You sold it.
No. I would never sell it. It was a matter of family honour.
I could have sold it a long time ago, with the furniture and everything else,
but i didn't.
Because you didn't know about it.
I didn't know about the jewels, that's true,
but i knew it was a rare bottle of wine.
What about those guys who beat you up?
No, they weren't ever down here.
What did they want?
They wanted money.
I take it it wasn't a student loan.
I got myself in a hole...
trying to make a go of the winery.
And?
Gambling. They bailed me out.
How much do you owe them?
A lot.
How much is a lot?
A lot a lot. Why do you think i've been getting rid of the place piece by piece?
So you were down here and saw the bottle.
That's right.
Then you heard something upstairs and went to check.
Yes.
And while you were out front being beaten up, someone stole the bottle.
Sounds preposterous, doesn't it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Some other bottles are missing.
Oh, come on, you're asking us to believe that this was a simple robbery?
Yeah.
A couple of bottles of red wine?
One containing the crown jewels?
What's this?
A grocery list:
Brie, eggs and a baguette.
The delivery girl?
There she is.
Oh, that's her, all right.
What's she doing?
Not going hungry.
What about the wine? Can you see the wine?
Oh... no. Wait a minute.
- bingo. - What is bingo?
Oh, no.
No!
U gh!
Woahhh... sydney!
- 1924? - 1924?
1924.
The wrong year.
Where's the other bottle?
Which one?
The one from 1792.
Oh, that one, yeah. The way you were looking at it,
i figured it was worth a few hundred francs.
A few hundred francs?
Did you like the brie?
Where is it now?
I gave it to my sister.
To drink?
- No. - Oh, thank god.
To sell. She has a stall at the flea market.
There she is.
Bingo.
Oh, no.
We'll buy that bottle.
I think purchasing is out of the question.
Voleurs! Voleurs! Stop! He's got my wine.
Voleurs! Three of them. Two men and a girl.
- Quick, hide. - Over here.
Oh no! Where are they? Thieves! Voleurs!
H ey, milktoast, where is your amazon now, eh?
It is time to finish your beating. C ome on.
The boss wants a word with you.
I told him i'll have the money by friday.
Tell it to him personally.
You know, i'd really love to... sydney! Catch!
Nigel, catch!
Brilliant. Hoo, hoo, hoo. Really brilliant.
And now, let's see if you can stop a speeding bullet. Ready?
Nigel, don't.
C ome on, give it to him.
A wise choice. It's nice to see a woman with brains as well as beauty.
Chateau h alezan, 1792. Oh, the revolution, very good bottle.
It should fetch a handsome price at auction.
- Please, it's a family heirloom. - shh!
I want the rest of my money by the end of the week.
I can't believe you just gave him the bottle like that.
Who is he, laurent?
H e's one of paris' most notorious crime lords.
This is who you borrow money from?
H e's a friend of the family.
With friends like that...
so you must know where he lives.
Sydney, he's one of paris' most notorious crime lords.
Yeah, yeah, i know.
The man lives like a king.
It was built in 1785 for armand fucher, head of n apoleon's secret police.
They'd keep the wine under lock and key.
The safe is in the library.
How do you know that?
When he gave me my money, he made me wait outside, in the hallway.
There's no way in or out. It's impenetrable.
Where have i heard that before?
Cameras above the windows and doors, alarm system with motion detectors.
But it was built for the head of n apoleon's secret police...
and there's got to be another escape route.
Where have i heard that before?
Paris has got an elaborate underground tunnel system.
H ere we go.
Of course, the catacombs. They parallel the streets.
We'll come right up under mischa's fat butt.
Are you sure we're going the right way?
No.
There are people down here doing... things.
Yes, the catacombs are a favourite spot for doing... things.
Herein begins the realm of the dead.
What do you think that means?
This has been the dumping ground for the city's...
overcrowded cemeteries for centuries.
What's that?
Shh. Underground cops checking the tunnels.
Did you hear something?
The rats.
I hate the rats. I'm getting hungry.
We can go for a baguette in the café later.
My cousin jean, he as a café...
okay.
Got to figure out where rue madame crosses rue garande.
This is it.
Okay, so that means that the tunnel to mischa's house...
is the second one on the left.
Was, you mean.
Why am i not surprised?
Brick and cement.
Which means?
A recent addition.
Do you see anything up ahead? I mean, besides rats and skeletons?
Looks like a gate.
Stand back.
Actually, it'd be better if you stood back.
- Why? - You'll see.
Can't make out the rest of it. It's worn away.
Starts with a't'?
The word is tete.
French for head.
Right.
Must be the first line of defence.
Guys?
If my memory serves me correctly, that should be the library.
Ooh!
H e has very expensive tastes.
And a great collection of classics.
Yeah, i'm sure he's a very literate killer.
We're looking for the safe.
H e dresses his women well.
What's a closet full of clothes doing in a library?
Laser detectors. Nigel, go back into the library, light a cigar.
- Light a cigar? - Light a cigar.
- Cuban? Honduran? - It doesn't matter.
- Churchill? Robusto? - Doesn't matter.
- Ring gauge? - Nigel!
All right. One thing...
- what? - I don't smoke.
I don't understand.
It's one of those security systems you were talking about.
Laser protection. Nigel?
Uh-huh.
Blow.
Dollars, francs... mischa's own personal international bank in here.
I see something else.
Bingo?
- Bingo. - bingo.
U h-uh.
- What? - You know what.
I do not.
Well, here's a hint. Every time you get the...
bottle on your hand, your feet start moving?
I am insulted.
- No! - no!
I wonder...
great expectations.
Syd.
Look at this.
I knew i could count on you to be on time for something.
Ooh, click.
Five, four, three, two...
ah, not bad. Not the best, but not bad.
Let them go, mischa. You win. You've got the wine.
That's more than enough to cover my loan.
Well, i wish i could, but i can't possibly now.
You have seen too much.
Not really. It may seem that way on the surface, but really,
we're not that observant.
Oh, really? The security cams show you found my private room behind the closet.
Dispose of them quietly.
And now, if you'll ex cuse me, i have less that an hour...
to go to a very ex clusive wine auction. I'd be a fool to miss it.
Well, we wouldn't want you to be that.
Funny, very funny.
Aah! Ow! Ow! Ow, my ankle.
What are we going to do with them?
Leave them for the cops. We've got an auction to attend.
They're not going to let us in looking like this.
Isn't this just like a woman?
Vive la difference.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a last-minute entry,
a bottle that wasn't featured in our catalogue.
This item, one of the rarest we've had in a long time,
a bottle of wine from the famous chateau halezan.
Got to get a cab.
C ome on!
Taxi! Taxi!
The year, ladies and gentlemen, 1792.
A very good year.
Bidding starts at thirty thousand dollars.
- thirty thousand. - Sir.
Taxi!
Do i hear sixty-five?
Sixty-five, thank you sir.
Sixty-five? Seventy?
Seventy, thank you sir. Any advance on seventy?
Faster, faster.
Eighty-five thousand to mr. Yamamoto, a true connoisseur.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a grand crue classe,
hand-labelled by jerome h alezan himself, founder of chateau halezan...
and reputed to be a former lover of marie-antoinette.
Obviously kinder to some persons...
than telling them to just eat cake.
So...
three hundred francs if you get us there in five minutes.
Ninety thousand, sir. Ninety-five thousand sir.
Ninety-five thousand dollars.
Ladies and gentlemen, is that all i am bid for this unique bottle?
It may be one of the last surviving from the revolution.
Well...
going once at ninety-five thousand dollars.
Going twice...
one hundred thousand!
One hundred thousand to the lady in red.
H ave you lost your mind?
I had to do something.
How are you intending to pay for this?
I have no idea. I just had to get it first.
- one forty-five. - I can't let it fall into the wrong hands...
- not with the crown jewels in it. - one fifty.
One hundred and fifty thousand for the yamamoto corporation.
Any advance on one hundred and fifty thousand dollars?
One sixty.
One sixty, thank you, sir.
Let it go, syd.
- one seventy. - One seventy-five.
One hundred and seventy-five to the lady in red.
Why does she want it so badly?
I have absolutely no idea.
Going once, going twice... one hundred and eighty thousand dollars, sir.
One eighty-five.
One hundred and eighty-five, madam.
It's got to be something. I wish to withdraw it from auction.
You can't do that, it's too late.
One ninety.
One hundred and ninety thousand dollars. Thank you, sir.
Two hundred thousand.
Quiet please, ladies and gentlemen.
The bid now stands at two hundred thousand dollars.
Any advance on it?
Two hundred thousand dollars, ladies and gentlemen.
Going once, going twice...
three hundred thousand.
Are you crazy?
What can i say? It's got great sentimental value.
But i had it for two hundred.
I can't let it go for that cheap. It's an halezan.
Going once, going twice...
sold to the young man in the tux edo with the boots.
These three are frauds. I want to cancel the sale right now.
I'm sorry, sir, you can't do that.
They will never be able to pay.
Fine, then i suggest you call the police right now.
Well... no need to do that. If he feels he can pay...
you do know the penalties for fraudulent bids, don't you, sir?
I must have left my cheque book at home.
Good. Then i'll reclaim my bottle.
You do take cash, though, don't you?
This is highly irregular.
- Where did you get that? - Where do you think?
Yes, three hundred thousand it is. C ongratulations, sir. The bottle's yours.
You are going to pay for this.
No, i'm afraid you're to go... and just have.
Not again.
I think i know where he went.
I didn't think you'd find me so fast.
Yeah, well...
this might just be the best glass of wine you will ever have.
Certainly the most expensive.
Well, i don't think we're really in this for the wine.
Why not? It should be good. 1792 was a great year.
The jewels, the jewels, get on with it.
All in due time, mon ami, all in due time.
It's empty. There's nothing in there.
What happened?
I don't know. Three hundred thousand for this?
You could have had it for two.
I can't believe it.
Why would the bottle be empty if my family made such a fuss about it?
Like you said, it was a very good year.
Not that good.
Maybe there were two bottles from 1792.
No, impossible. There's only one. There's even a story about it.
My great-grandfather wanted to sell the bottle after our vineyard...
was almost destroyed by insects.
H e needed the money to put us back on our feet.
H is wife pulled a gun on him, threatened to kill him...
if he ever tried to sell the bottle.
She never trusted him after that.
This one.
This one?
But the label says 1910.
Run your finger down the side. Feel anything?
No. That's strange.
Precisely. There's no line from the mould.
Bottles were mechanically moulded at the turn of the century.
Prior to that, they were all hand-blown.
Which means the 1910 label can't possibly be right.
It was switched by my great-grandmother.
Because she didn't trust your great-grandfather not to sell it.
The bottle you tried to con us with in the beginning was the real thing.
I can't believe it.
I don't either.
Laurent!
Just joking.
I can't believe we had it in our hands the first time.
It was in the cellar all along, safe and sound.
While we were risking our necks for what? For this decoy bottle.
Yeah, your great-grandmother sure fooled us.
Laurent, it's going to the museum.
Oh, just one.
Laurent's not such a bad egg, really.
If you like them scrambled maybe.
Well, if your family owned the crown jewels...
Nobody owns them. They belong to the people of france.
The h alezans only had them for safekeeping.
- What's that? Oh! - My tattoo.
Well, not actually on my body. It's a sample from the place.
I wanted to bring it in and show you guys.
What's the matter?
That's not the egyptian symbol for fertility.
In fact, it's not even egyptian at all.
Well, what is it?
Assyrian. Very similar ancient culture.
The egyptian symbol for fertility looks a lot like this one, but...
what does it mean?
In layman terms? The marketplace.
Oh, i... i have to go now.
You're not actually going to let her get it removed before you tell her...
that you made all that up?
Well...
Nigel!
All right.
But that's not to say that we can't let her think about it for a while.
En glish
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